Anger & Rage
Many people arrive having been taught that their anger is a problem, something to control, apologize for, or get rid of. Others arrive because their anger has hurt themselves and those they love.
Part of this work is understanding what kind of anger you are carrying, since the different kinds, which we describe below, each call for something different. For some, the work is recognizing that the anger is valid and learning how to channel it toward the injustice, harm, or conditions that gave rise to it. For others, the anger is protecting more vulnerable parts, and the work becomes understanding what those parts are carrying and what the anger has been trying to protect. In all cases, the goal is not to silence your anger, but to help you metabolize it so it can serve you rather than remain stuck within you.
Anger lives in the body
One thing shapes how we work with every kind of anger below: anger is not just a thought or an emotion; it is also a bodily experience. The greatest risk to our wellbeing is often not anger itself, but anger that has been suppressed, ignored, or held in the body with nowhere to go. Over time, that chronic activation can place strain on the nervous system and contribute to emotional and physical distress, particularly for those already carrying the cumulative effects of racism, oppression, and chronic stress.
Because of this, much of our work is somatic. Rather than trying to get rid of your anger or calm it down, we help you notice how it shows up in your body, understand what it is communicating, and support it in moving through you. When anger can move, it becomes information and energy for change rather than something your body has to carry alone.
Anger is not one thing
Part of what makes anger confusing is that we use one word to describe several different experiences, and each one asks for something different from us. Naming the kind(s) of anger you are carrying often changes what is most helpful.
Anger at injustice:
This is the anger that arises in response to racism, oppression, exploitation, discrimination, violence, and other forms of injustice. Here, we do not look for a wound underneath or assume your anger is “really” about something else. It is often a reasonable and accurate response to what is happening around you. We treat this anger as information, a signal that something is genuinely wrong and that your values have been violated.
Contrary to what many of us have been taught, this kind of anger can actually be a hopeful emotion. It reflects the belief that people deserve better, that harm is not acceptable, and that change is possible. The goal of therapy is not to help you feel less anger. It is to help your anger remain connected to the source of the injustice so it can be channeled into your voice, your boundaries, your relationships, your advocacy, and the changes you want to see in the world.
The greatest risk is rarely that this anger is “too much.” More often, it loses its direction. It may become swallowed and turn inward, spill onto people who are not responsible for the harm, or become trapped in the body, contributing to chronic stress. Together, we help your anger stay connected to its purpose while supporting your nervous system in moving through the activation that accompanies it. In this way, your anger becomes something that serves you rather than something your body has to hold on to.
Anger that was buried or silenced:
This is the anger you were never allowed to have. Maybe you learned early that expressing anger wasn’t safe, would lead to rejection, or would make things worse. So instead, it went underground. Over time, you may have become so disconnected from it that you aren’t sure it’s there at all. With this kind of anger, the work is about reconnecting with your anger. Often, the first place we find it is in the body: the tight jaw, clenched fists, shallow breath, heaviness, or heat that has been there all along. We move slowly because this anger was often buried for good reason. As it begins to surface, the work is helping you discover that your anger makes sense, that it belongs, and that it no longer has to stay hidden to keep you safe.
Anger turned inward:
Sometimes anger has nowhere safe to go, so instead of moving outward, it turns inward. It can show up as depression, shame, harsh self criticism, or the belief that you are somehow the problem. What began as a response to harm gradually becomes directed at yourself.
When this happens, we become curious about where the anger was originally meant to go. Often, it belongs to something that happened to you rather than something that is wrong with you. Part of the work is helping your anger find its rightful place so it no longer has to be carried as self blame or self criticism. Alongside that, we pay attention to how your body has learned to hold this inward pressed energy, helping it move in ways that create more space for self compassion, clarity, and healing.
Anger that is misfiring:
Sometimes anger lands on the people closest to us rather than on the thing that caused it. More often, it tells us that your anger is working hard to protect something more vulnerable underneath.
For many people, anger becomes the emotion they know best because it feels safer than grief, fear, helplessness, disappointment, or heartache. Rather than asking, “How do we get rid of your anger?” we become curious about what it is protecting. We help you understand the story behind it and the parts of you it has been working so hard to defend.
As that happens, something else begins to change. Instead of anger carrying everything on its own, you begin building a relationship with the emotions it has been protecting. Grief has space to be grieved. Fear has space to be understood. Heartache has space to be felt. Disappointment has space to be acknowledged. Over time, anger no longer has to protect those more vulnerable emotions in the same way because you’ve built the capacity to be with them, too.
The body often helps us recognize those more vulnerable experiences before we have words for them. You might notice tightness in your chest, a lump in your throat, heaviness in your stomach, or a racing heart. As you build the capacity to stay with your full emotional experience, anger no longer has to speak for every part of you or land on the people you care about. Instead, it becomes one important voice among many, rather than the only one that gets heard.
Working with Anger:
Most people don’t arrive carrying just one kind of anger. You might experience anger at injustice while also noticing moments when that anger turns inward, gets buried, or lands on the people you love. Anger is layered, and what it needs can change from one moment to the next.
Because of that, our role is not to decide for you what your anger means or tell you what lies underneath it. We become curious alongside you. Together, we pay attention to what kind of anger is showing up, what it is trying to communicate, what it may be protecting, and what it needs. Sometimes the work is helping anger stay directed where it belongs. Sometimes it’s helping you reconnect with anger that was buried, understand anger that has turned inward, or build a relationship with the more vulnerable emotions it has been protecting. More often than not, it’s some combination of all of these.
For Black and brown people, and Black women especially, messages about anger are often reinforced even more forcefully: that their anger makes them “dangerous,” “unreasonable,” or “too much.” Others learned that expressing anger wasn’t safe at all, so they swallowed it so deeply they lost track of it entirely. For Black and brown people especially, who have so often had others define, dismiss, or pathologize their anger, it matters that this work is guided by you, at your pace, and in ways that feel safe and aligned.
Whatever form your anger takes, our goal is not to silence it, but to help you build a relationship with it that is grounded, compassionate, and true to your lived experience.
